100,000 Tesla Optimus per year by 2030: The new fairy tales of Baron Elon von Muskhausen

As Tesla’s stock continues to stagnate amid dwindling demand and shrinking profits, CEO Elon Musk is working hard to keep his investors happy. In a recent call with shareholders, he tried to convince them that Tesla is heading for “stratospheric heights” thanks to robotaxis and his Tesla Optimus service robot. Classic car sales? Mere side business. The company is transforming.

These are not easy times for Elon Musk. Things aren’t going so well with Tesla, and to make matters worse, his global satellite network Starlink went down this week. As if that weren’t enough, the former BFF of Donald Trump also had to justify himself to his investors.

As The Wall Street Journal reports, Musk offered little substance during this weeks call – but plenty of vision. He urged participants not to focus too harshly on current numbers, but to see the bigger picture.

Once again.

Tesla is undergoing a transformation, and with advances in autonomous driving and the humanoid robot “Optimus,” the company is set to become “the most valuable in the world,” Musk claimed. Tesla plans to produce up to 100,000 Optimus units per year by 2030. At least, Musk said he would be “very surprised” if that didn’t happen.

Sound familiar?

It has strong Cybertruck vibes. Back in May 2023, Musk promised up to 500,000 units of that infantile monstrosity with all the charm of a demolition container. Reality check: fewer than 50,000 units produced, with production now practically halted due to lack of demand.

At the same time, Musk admitted that no new vehicle model will be released before the end of 2025. The previously announced budget entry-level model? Just a rehashed Model Y – not a new car, but a warmed-up leftover. Meanwhile, Chinese EV competitors are leaving Musk in the dust.

Cars? Just a side gig. Autonomy is key.

But car sales are secondary anyway, according to Musk. The physical vehicle is merely a delivery platform – real value lies in autonomy, which will, he claims, launch the company to “stratospheric levels.”

Fitting, really. After all, the good old Baron Hieronymus Friedrich von Münchhausen once famously rode a cannonball through the skies.

While competitors like Waymo have driverless taxis operating across cities like San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Atlanta, Tesla can only show off a handful of “Roboteslas” circling a small, geofenced zone near its Austin, Texas HQ. To the delight of Musk’s testosterone-fueled fanbase, the test zone conveniently looks like a giant penis on the map.

Oh, and by the way: the rides aren’t truly autonomous. A Tesla employee always sits in the passenger seat to intervene in case of emergency. Very autonomous indeed.

Chasing Dreams: Optimus serving burgers on roller skates

But don’t worry – if you doubt Tesla’s future, you can visit the newly opened Tesla Diner in Los Angeles, where an Optimus robot will serve you burgers and coke. Um, no. Just popcorn, actually. Stationary. And it’s remotely controlled by a human. And even that went wrong during the grand opening.

That ignored, Musk promises that one day his robots could replace waitstaff on roller skates. And yes, you can dress them in a “cute little outfit.”

Will investors be lulled into believing again? Musk’s list of broken promises is now longer than the remains of his exploded Mars rockets lined up end to end.

Oh right, Mars.

Baron Elon of Muskhausen had planned to colonize that by now, too.